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An Open Letter to Single Ladies

I’m a 34 year old man from Toronto. I’m single. I’ve lived in Vancouver for 3 years. I’m above average in looks. I work out. I have a great job. I’m active & love the great outdoors but I love socializing and sometimes partying too. I socialize with friends who are great at what they do and love adventure. I also like my down time to read, watch movies, reflect, make stuff and cook. I’m looking for a lady to pamper.

I meet Princesses.

Princesses and Peacocks just homogenize everything.

Princesses are OK, because I want to treat my lady well. But after a string of Princesses with no substance, I’m starting to wonder not when someone will treat me like a Prince, but simply when they will bring something more than expectations, guillotine-sharp judgment and self-protection to the table. Remember, Princesses are regal and exemplify the best…they deserve to have their cake and eat it too.

I don’t need much. I’d like my lady to come up with an idea for something she’d like to do now and then, rather than let me do all the work. I’d like a lady to be brave enough to tell me what they really think and feel about important stuff, not just bitch about their friends or talk about celebrities.

I’d like you to forgive me when I try to approach you and I can’t get it right on the first take. There are 95 million ways to approach you and I don’t have much to go on about which approach you prefer, and which approach may offend.

I’d like you to understand that I don’t just want to get in your pants. I want to find out what motivates you, what you believe in, what you’re sensitive about and what makes you roll around laughing. Just like you, I can get sex but I want to find someone special to share things with.

I look at the list you write about yourself and your potential partner on dating sites and I don’t want to fit into your cookie cutter. Don’t you want to find out what inspires me, who I am and not what criteria I fit? You’d be bored shitless with the guy that ticks all your boxes and you know it! Great body? Spends too much time at the gym. Independently wealthy? Is a cheapskate. Good family? They’re around all the time. Things are fluid and we are all evolving, including you.

When your next cookie-cutter boy doesn’t give you butterflies, remember the thrill in meeting someone new, learning about them, sharing and changing each other’s perspectives.  Risk falling in love, don’t just order out for it.  I have many facets, in some you may see your reflection but in others you may discover a whole new world – if you only let yourself see.

What happened to romance? I want you to see potential, feel a spark, and take yourself off the market for a few weeks so we can see if we have something here. I want to feel the excitement of wondering what I’ll learn about you on our next date, and not the fear that I’ll say something wrong and that will be the end of me. It takes time to get to know someone and to know what they mean when they say something ambiguous. So, let’s misread some things together and explore each other and wonder if things will go further. Or not.

Let’s not have sex while we get to know each other. But do me a favour and don’t have sex with other guys while we do.

If you want to cut down on the amount of suitors you have, then be honest but be sensitive. Learn to say no to guys, including me, who are interested in you but you know you have no spark with. “There will never be anything between us” doesn’t hurt as much as weeks and months of us trying to reinterpret ambiguous signals and work out where we went wrong. Tell us the truth. It’s your opportunity to be a compassionate individual rather than play me along to boost your ego. Respect begets respect.

Take control! You earned your feminist rights so exercise them. Go have a conversation with a guy, whether it’s on a hike, at a coffee shop or in a bar.  You don’t have to exchange numbers or have sex with them. It’s just a conversation.  Believe it or not, we might not actually want your number or to have sex with you, we might rather two minutes of pleasant conversation waiting for that Grande Americano.

One day I’ll meet someone that knows themself well enough to participate in a kickass partnership where we both can learn and grow together. And they would earn my pampering and devotion, and I would earn theirs. Until then, I’m stuck dancing for shallow Princesses on the singles conveyor belt with the other homogenized peacocks!

Come on, Ladies. Don’t we all deserve better than the current status quo?

James.

 

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